Self-Care Sunday- Self-Care For Men

What do you think of when you think of self-care? Maybe long bubble baths while devouring a juicy book. Maybe you think of holding a rose quartz crystal while meditating? Do you think of creating a soothing space filled with plants and candles?

While the term "self-care" has become a huge part of the current cultural obsession with health and wellness, it carries a very narrow connotation. When you search "self-care" on social media you are shown images of mainly women sipping tea or in a beautiful yoga pose. There are also countless quotes and affirmations dressed up in pastel colors and florals.

Now here's the thing...there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But, this feminine feel can leave men feeling a little left out of the self-care movement because they can't relate to the images and messages. Sometimes, the self-care message can even imply that self-care is needed because of them. So, men can end up assuming that self-care just isn't for them.

However, men are just as in need of self-care as women are. The daily stresses of life effect men just as much as women. Men deserve to carve out a little "me-time" too. But where to start? If you don't relate to the self-care message that's being offered, where can you turn for self-care?

First, let's break down the term "self-care." Let's separate it from the marketing buzz word and talk about what it really means. Basically, it means taking the intentional initiative in maintaining your own well-being. Your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Self-care goes beyond relaxing or even indulgence. It starts with finding things that renew your soul and rejuvenate your engagement in life. In addition to treating yourself, self-care can also involve a personal challenge to help you reach a meaningful goal.

But reaching goals isn't the point. Men can easily get caught up in the cultural grasp of professional and social one-upmanship. It can be a challenge to take time for something that doesn't promise some kind of external validation. Men are not taught that this hyper-competitive winner-take-all society makes it very hard to lead a balanced life.

When you define your worth by the number of hours you put in at the office the intensity of your work ethic translated through your paycheck or your promotional value, you lose sight of the things that make you truly happy.

Men who do make self-care a priority often focus on fitness and nutrition. While physical health is very important, it can all too easily transform into another competition. Striving for perfection is not self-care.

You can focus on your physical health but you need to balance it out with other types of self-care. Spiritual growth, emotional well-being, exploration and learning are just a few of the ways that self-care can be implemented. The goal is not to achieve a goal but rather to find constructive ways to counteract the overstimulation of your everyday life with activities that speak to your inner self.

Being an extraordinary person means leading a balanced life. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Maybe renewing your soul does look like a bubble bath. And hey, there's no shame in that. Baths rock.

For men looking to cultivate a self-care practice they should start by looking at the health of their friendships. After college, as their professional life dominates their life, men can find their social circle rapidly shrinking. Think about who your A team is. Who can you call a 3 a.m. to help get you out of a pickle? Who are your best buds? Once you have identified that, make time for these important people. Schedule out an hour to grab some beers or meet up for a bike ride. Any activity where you can freely chat about anything and everything.

For a lot of men, disconnecting from work looks like a Netflix binge or video games. Sometimes these activities can be combined with a low-key vice like drinking. And yes, that is all very pleasurable, but they are actually just distractions and not true self-care. You need to find something new, something intellectual, cultural or even spiritual.

This could mean attending a concert or theater show. Maybe its a morning meditation session, volunteering or showing up for a weekly religious service. Even something as simple as rediscovering a beloved hobby can provide a breakthrough for mental and emotional well-being. You have to find things that aren't just productive. It has to fulfill you on a deeper level. That is the foundation to cultivating a well-rounded self-care practice.

Journaling is an excellent habit to get into and a wonderful form of self-care. It trains your brain to search for positive things instead of focusing on the negative. Over time, journaling can rewire your brain in a way that benefits every area of your life. Journaling helps you to reflect how your actions are aligned with your desires and needs.  It also makes you more aware of your inner dialogue. Tuning into your self-talk helps you to identify how you speak to yourself. Part of a successful self-care practice is being kind and gentle with yourself.

For a lot of men, building a self-care practice can feel awkward. So take it easy in the beginning. Think of it like training for a sport. Self-care provides reservoirs of resilience. It benefits us on a daily basis and when hard times hit, it's easier to bounce back.

Don't expect magic to happen right away. Self-care is more of a long game. The form of self-care you choose is not as important as the intention you bring to it. Are you doing it for external validation or for the sake of your own happiness and fulfillment? When you take care of yourself you become a better partner, father, friend and professional.

So where to start? Take it slow and focus on one step at a time. Don't try to overhaul your life in one day. It wont happen. Here are a few ideas of simple ways to ease into a self-care practice.

Fitness:

Instead of pushing yourself to the max at every workout, try swapping out one workout per week for a low intensity activity like yoga or tai chi. Drop the worry about burning calories and focus on building a mind-body awareness and just enjoy the benefits of the rush of feel-good endorphins.

Hygiene:

Take one day out a week to cater to yourself. Book a massage, spend some extra time on your skin care regimen or sweat out your stress in a sauna. And you can always indulge in that bath, preferably with Epsom salts, to soak away what ails you.

Sleep:

Sleep is so important. Not getting enough sleep really affects how you feel mentally and physically. Try getting to bed 15-20 minutes earlier than you usually do to maximize and improve the amount of time you spend asleep. Also, prep your room for maximum comfort. It should be your sanctuary. Black out curtains, a quality pillow and maybe a a weighted blanket. Set the mood to get some quality ZZZs.