Are You A Narcissist?

Narcissism isn't a diagnosis as much as it is a pattern of behavior. An awful pattern that is abusive and very damaging to relationships. But in our current influencer culture, narcissists are being celebrated and even paid for their narcissistic behavior.

A narcissist would never believe that they are narcissistic. They don't like to look in the mirror. Well, they do actually love to look in the mirror but not for self discovery purposes. There is no self-awareness. So I'm not really expecting any AHA moments to happen to anyone while reading this post. Maybe just a HMM moment. So with that said, let's talk about some clear ways to tell that you are a narcissist.

You Love A Mirror

The origins of narcissism come from the myth of a young man in ancient Greece named Narcissus. He fell in love with his own reflection in the water and ended up drowning as a result. Simply put, people with narcissistic tendencies have a tough time passing by a mirror without checking themselves out. Admiration of their favorite person, themselves, is their favorite past time.

You Love Looking Your Absolute Best

Narcissists truly love themselves and will go above and beyond maintaining their appearance. If shopping for new clothes drains their bank account it's a small price to pay to look fly. Pricey hair appointments? Let's do it. The flashier the better. Narcissists want people to notice and compliment them. It feeds the beast.

You Love A Selfie

When we run out of storage on our phone, most of us head on over to the photos to delete what we can to free up space. But damn. You have so many selfies and they are all so perfect. Maybe you should delete your banking app instead so that you can save your precious selfies and free up space? If this is your plan, you are a narcissist my friend.

You Love Your Behavior, But Others Don't

Getting ghosted? Constantly fighting with your partner? Receiving less social invites? Didn't get a call back after a first date? You probably blabbed on and on about yourself the whole time. Well guess what? Your behavior is most likely driving everyone around you crazy. Yes, you are the problem. Most people have an appreciation for social norms. Narcissists engage in behaviors that exploit or abuse others. They think that they are the only person that matters in the world. Think public speakerphone conversations, pushy people while shopping or sore losers that mope or whine.

You Love, No Deserve, Special Treatment

Oh you're VIP? You are the only person that thinks that. No one else does, and they find your sense of entitlement to be exhausting and obnoxious. But your expectations are different. You think that throughout your daily life you should be treated differently than everyone else. You are special. You are a star. You expect special favors, offers and loyalty from others. You think that you are exempt from obligations that you find to be beneath you or annoying. And its not really a choice that you make, it's a pattern. You just don't notice the dishes that need to be washed because that's just not your thing. It's just never on your radar.

You Love The People In Your Life Because They Are An Extension Of You

Or so you like to think my narcissistic cupcake. Because you are so preoccupied with the image that you project onto others you view your partner, children, parents and even friends as objects that could either embarrass you or make you look really good. Did someone embarrass you? They can expect tons of criticism from you. You might even get mad at them, or write them off altogether. They are tainting your pristine reputation and don't fit in with your vision of yourself. Did someone do something that in your eyes was super awesome? Did their action make you shine too? Then that person is your new best friend. Think your kid getting straight As, your husband working his way up the corporate ladder or a friend publishing their first book. Can you latch on and reap some of the rewards? That's your favorite thing. Less work, more payoff.

You Love A Rivalry

Narcissists are very insecure. Their low self-esteem causes them to distrust others. They become vengeful when they are crossed or out done. Narcissists cannot celebrate anyone else's successes. Other people winning threatens their own standing in the world. If you cant claim part of someones victory then your eyes narrow and the claws come out. If that champion is now your rival, you might be a narcissist.

You Love Offering Advice And Criticism But Hate Getting It

Does criticism make you furious? Think there is no room for improvement so why are they offering advice? You always know what to do. You are always right. When someone calls you out on your negative behavior you clutch your pearls and truly cannot believe that someone could be so mean. Your feelings get hurt and it cuts you to your core. You are so hurt by this simple constructive criticism that irreparable damage has been caused to the relationship. They are so wrong and you are so right. No room for discussion. They are the asshole and you don't have to put up with their bullshit. The end.

You Love Social Media

You post your latest selfie. Then you check your notifications every fifteen seconds until they start to appear. With every like you breathe a sigh of relief and your chest puffs up a little more. It's the validation you crave and you will do anything to get it. Play the victim for sympathy? You are a fine actor and people are more than happy to indulge you on social media. Why? Because the believe your shenanigans. Did your husband celebrate a milestone or success? You will for sure share that because it makes you look awesome and you will receive the positive feedback that they should be receiving. You ever see those annoying "It's my husband's birthday and he is my best friend and an amazing husband and father and oh how I love that man of mine." It's not your birthday, you do not deserve any recognition or any kind of celebration, but a post like that begs for exactly that. You are riding on your husband's coattails and receiving accolades you don't deserve. Look over your social media. Is it full of selfies and "I" statements? When someone posts a pictures from an event that you were at do you first scan every picture from top to bottom looking for yourself? Oh, hello narcissist.

I hope that throughout this you have been honestly evaluating yourself. Keep in mind that everyone has narcissist tendencies and a light smattering of narcissism is totally healthy. But when the behavior starts to disrupt your life or the lives of others it's time to check yourself. If you find yourself surrounded by frustration, failed relationships and thwarted ambition combined with low self-esteem, but extreme vanity then you might be a narcissist. But don't fret, stay tuned for an upcoming post on how to overcome your narcissistic tendencies.